Father(s day)

A good portion of people dread this holiday, Most fathers either dont stick around or just arent mentally there.. I mean that in the sense that they drink, do drugs or just work all the time. In my case my father is in jail and the only man that ever came close to a dad is gone.. So in my case this holiday is useless. Why celebrate a day for a screw up who is in and out of jail? Which is exactly why i will do no such thing.
 It sucks that most fathers dont stick around, You need a father figure. Ya know? I wish my father stuck around honestly. But he didnt, and when he was around it wasnt really him.  It was him, high, and awkward. I dont even know my real parents, in a mental state i mean. Yeah i do know who they are, i see my mom regularly when she visits but its not really her. Its her on drugs. She was off of them for a while but then drifted back.
                                                                      I dont want to get off topic.
The things dads do nowadays just arent how it should be.. 30 years ago you didnt see dads running out of their kids lives did you? no.. So why does that have to be the case. You dont have to stay with the mom if you really dont want to. But dont go running away to another state and never speak to them again. Be there. Dont miss their lives.
In my case my dad was in jail when i was born, then left, he just left like i wasnt waiting for him. He never cared. Then he got married, had a kid, and decided to come back in 5th grade. But before he would come back he would call me if i was lucky maybe once every few months. Every single time the phone rang i would answer in hopes it would be my dad… He would promise me cards, gifts, and letters and i would check the mail everyday waiting.. only to get nothing. Why dont you have the decency to just be truthful? So he comes back, he shows up, and i feel like everythings great. I mean i had just met my dad. But the love drifted. He let me down so many times that i eventually learned never to trust him, it still hurt but i new i couldnt count on him. It was a patter, He would promise me something, i would get my hopes up and he would break his promise, id them be upset.. but when i learned not to count on my “dad” things got easier.. But i developed a hate towards him. Because i new this wasnt how things worked.
last year he got arrested, I was so mad, i blamed my mom. But now i blame the both of them. He did drugs and drank for Gods sake. He wasnt in a good enough mental state at that time to function. When my grandma dee died (His mom) I comforted him, i was there for him when he needed me.. Even though he hasnt been there for me.
 You know how hard it is to be let down all of your life? Seriously difficult..
   
         I just dont care about him anymore. I want him to know i cant ever be close to him

I seriously dont want to see him when he gets out.
                                             
                                                             I have no reason for Sunday…