Untiled. Thats what ill keep it as.

So im listening to this song right? Its like the perfect song to dedicate to micheal.
Whos michael? If you dont know its the boy i fell for from february 3rd 2010 to sometime in august
I relize i talk about how i miss him alot. Okay i get, get over him brittnee im almost there.
I just need to blog once about him and ill be okay alright? No one reads my blog anyway..

Heres a list of good things he brought to my life:

• Love, he made feel so loved i was in a fairytale relationship. Like a dream. Ya know when you dream of laying under the stars, staying up all night, kissing in the rain, the snow, exploring everywhere with a guy, Practically living with him. He spent the night here or i was there. Everything youve dreamed of i prolly did with him. I mean you loved me like i had never been loved before. You understood so much. You helped me through alot. You were there for me when my grandma dee died, you were there when my grandma fought with me. You held me at night, Kissed me good night, always said you loved me. I admit we both took it for granted.

• Family, Yeah i wasn't THAT close with his great grandma. But his grandma and mom and sisters were so rad. His mom understood all of it. She was going through pain and she still wanted to hangout with us. haha. She loves Soy milk and organic food (cuz she had to) But we both love coconut. His grandma understood my love for god and talked about my church life with me. His sisters loved me. Theyre little monsters. I miss that mostly. Not necessarily him, More his family. I felt as though i had a family close to me.

• Fun. Yeah crazy awesome fun! I had the craziest summer of my life because of him. I went camping numerous times, Warped tour, enchanted forest, swimming, exploring the country land around him, Playing with llamas, Omsi, The movies, Sleeping outside, Seeing his silky chickens grow, I pet a rooster (ricardo), We talked about staying together for forever. I did so much! It was amazing.. Besides the fighting

• Friends, I made new friends. Caleb, Nick, Tyler, Aaron, Cody, All fantastic people that i wouldnt know without knowing michael. Some of my greatest adventuers happened with them there. Caleb and me were always the sober ones. haha. Nick insulted me in the funniest ways. We had so much fun.

The bad things that came into my life:

• Drugs and alcohol, He was and is addicted to Weed and drinks. I learned not to smoke weed, not to spend my money on stupid drug. You spent every bit of money you earned just about on weed. When you didnt have weed you about shit yourself. You NEEDED it. I think it was to escape your life. You werent always happy. I felt obligated to do some of the stuff i did. You ask me to smoke with you and i would say no, You say why not? Id say because i dont want to. You day But why? Give me a reason. That is one thing that royally pissed me off. On my birthday you about begged to go get your weed! ON MY BIRTHDAY! 

• Arguing, You blamed me for all of it. But infact you caused a large portion of the fights. Why? Because you dont have a sense of wrong when your involved. You really dont. You think its okay to go get shit faced with girls who you fingered last time you were drunk. Every drunk story you told me you either did sexual things or lit something on fire. hmmm. There were so many aruments, i guess relationships all have arguments. But you just dont see any wrong in anything you did. You wouldnt really discuss anything. Your family thought it was alllll me because you woudnt tell what you did. You thought you did no wrong. Your great grandma hated me because you couldnt tell them the real reason i didnt feel comfortable with you being alone with Quincy. They didnt know the real story of anything! I can garuntee they wouldve been on my side if the did.

• Possesiveness, You thought i was controlling? Oh no. You made me delete every single guy off my facebook, Myspace and almost my twitter. MY TWITTER! You were jealous of CELEBRITIES!! You hated EVERY single boy i was friends with. Friends, Keyword there. I had no feelings for any other guy but YOU. You accused me of liking Caleb, Nick AND Tyler oh and Job. Any time your friends were around or i met a new one you would ask " Do you like him? " The one time i ask you that you flip a bitch. I only asked you to delete all of the girls on your myspace because you didnt know but TEN of the 700! I asked once, You did it out of the blue cuz you wanted to. I wasnt gonna ask anymore. You asked a majority of your ex's do do the same. Oh and dont let me forget when you asked me first not to text guys. Yeah. Anytime i got a text you ask "Who's that?" I'd reply. You wouldnt believe me. Youd say "really?" Like i was a stupid shit. You even stole my phone while i was out of the room to check one day. I got a text that morning from an old friend who i didnt have feelings for that said HELLO! and you said you were pissed and going home. The other reason you were mad was because everyone had contact pictures. Why? Because phone can do that.. woopty doo.

• Bad ending, Yeah very bad ending. Not only did we break up twice before the final ending and i begged for you back, yes i did. Because I LOVED YOU. But it ended bad. Terribly bad the time before the final ending we were on the phone balling our eyes out. Because we both loved each other and didnt want it to end. The final ending.. My fault. Everyone was telling me " Break up with him now or ill do it for you" I didnt want to, i never wanted to. But the bad things kept popping up. We couldve fixed everything if we both put in effort. But it ended to badly. Ill admit it was my fault you never knew what really happened. Truth is.. Your buddy cody came over and convinced me you werent good for me. I told him you put me down alot, You did. I was never good enough. Ya you told me i was beautiful constantly and i loved that. But i wasnt up to your complete standards because i wouldnt get drunk with you constantly or ever smoke pot. You would constantly tell me i needed to be more chill. That i wouldnt fit in with your friends. That you couldnt take me to a party because i would bore you and bring the party mood down. Yeah. Right. Well cody, you see he came over (as i said) and llistened to it all i told him that you put me down. Know what he said? Your friend said That wasnt right and that he saw no flaws. He convinced me. I wish that night wouldnt have happend. Because me and you were slowely fixing out problems. Cody broke up with me a month later anyway.When we talked after we broke up you told me you werent happy what so ever. You never were. That you never had fun. Really? Thats a damn lie right there. You were always smiling when we were together. We laughed till we about pee'd ourselves. You were happy. Dont deny it.

 All of that impacted my life. I notice the bad stuff was longer. But thats because i needed to explain that more. I do miss you. I miss you a ton. But that's how any long relationship is. You miss them for life, Your never really over someone you really love. I really loved you. I never said i love you just for fun. Every single time I said those three words i meant them. I have no way of ever telling you to read this. Youll never know any of this. This will piss most of the people off that read it. It will make people think im dumb, Creepy or whatever they usually think. But this comes from my mind, MY heart, MY thoughts. Its what i felt.